Monthly Archives: December 2017

eating is hard sometimes

this morning I woke up and I ate coffee

but that wasn’t really food so I ate

three small potatoes.

I drove on a long highway

and thought about eating but I didn’t.

then I went home and I ate

an entire order of breadsticks

which sounds very enjoyable¬†but it wasn’t

because I thought about every single breadstick

while I ate.

not in a cherishing sort of way but in a dreading sort of way

and I thought about the bread inside of my body

and I quickly thought about how happy I was to not be gluten free

and then I thought for a long time about my dad

and how he would comment on my weight

when I would help myself to seconds

and I thought about when I stopped helping myself to seconds

because I didn’t want my weight to be commented on anymore

then I thought about when I was on Zoloft

and how I didn’t eat anything for three days except for an apple.

I had never enjoyed food so much in my life

I had never hated food so much in my life