Spring Garden

in warmer times we are

overwhelmingly minced up

into large rolling

dew drops gliding

over asphalt and screeching

to a halt with metal

bones and rubber

senses pounding our metal feelings through

glass or air that was once glass until it fell

away from the rusted skin

buried deep inside of a secret

compartment with an unknown depth

 

please open my hood

the light is on again

Advertisements

One thought on “Spring Garden

  1. Lines 3 and 4 have lovely movement. The short really lines carry the motion nicely.
    I almost want line 5 to end with asphalt. I was unsure about the use of metal and glass twice in such proximity. The poem is very tactile and the imagery is awfully nice. I moved around some things to see how it would sound. I kind of like the way it reads like this, but perhaps thats just how I read poems! I didn’t know what kind of feelings to use to fill in the blank.

    In warmer times we are

    overwhelmingly minced up

    into large rolling

    dew drops gliding

    over asphalt

    before screeching to a halt

    with metal bones and rubber

    senses pounding

    our _________ feelings through

    glass or air

    until it fell away

    from the rusted skin

    buried deep inside of a secret

    compartment with unknown depth.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s